Contacting other members

You have decided to take the plunge and sign up to a dating site. You have created a profile and familiarised yourself with the basic features. Now comes the hardest part for many members, especially if you have been out of the dating game for a while. How do you make the first move?

You have searched for members nearby or maybe you have been reviewing your personalised suggestions and someone catches your eye. What next? The realisation that its down to you to make the first move kick in, you take a deep breath and open up a new message...

Keep it short and sweet

We generally see two types of approaches when it comes to introductions. Members tend to either make their message too short which comes across un-interested or frivolous. Just saying ‘hi’ or ‘how’s it going’ isn’t enough to capture the recipient’s interest, especially if they receive plenty of messages regularly. Or they tend to ramble on which leads to a rather incoherent message which loses the attention of the recipient early on. Our advice is to find a good middle ground. Say hi and introduce yourself in a friendly manner. Maybe throw in a subtle compliment or reference to something in their profile. This lets the recipient know you have taken the time to view their profile rather than simply sending out bulk, generic messages to lots of members.

Example introductions

Taking the advice above onboard, here are some examples of good ice breaker messages you can use as inspiration for your first move.

1 – Friendly compliment

Hi there, I was browsing the site and came across your profile. Your striking summer hat caught my eye and sparking eyes intrigued me. We live fairly close and I’d love to get to know you a bit better. If you would like to know a bit more about me, please get in touch.

2 – Something in common

Hello, I see you enjoy walking holidays. I have recently returned from a week in The Lakes where I completed the 6 peaks challenge. Maybe we could chat a bit sometime and see what else we have in common?

3 – Difficult first message

Sometimes the members profile gives very little away which can make the first message awkward. You must have some reason that you have decided to message the member. What was it? Was it a love of pets, their long, dark hair or interest in sports? Try to pick up on something no matter how small or simply tell them a little about yourself. Maybe your pets, favourite sports team or band.

Things to avoid
  • Discussing break ups, past relationships or why you are single
  • Negative comments about your personality or appearance
  • Overly forceful requests for them to message back or repeat messages if they decide not to respond
  • Rude jokes or crude comments

The first message will always be difficult. The plus side is it gets easier. The great thing about online dating is you have time to think about your words before you hit send which is something you rarely get the chance to do in real life meetings. Remember that most members are in the same boat as you and will be just as nervous about sending and responding to messages from other members. To get the most from your mature dating experience you must overcome your fears and put yourself out there. That special person might be online right now waiting for your message.